The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

March Around The World 2015 Challenge - USA. A replacement for Synecdoche, New York which I didn't have access to today.

From the first time I saw the three-bladed sword I knew I'd seen this before. So what does The Sword and the Sorcerer have going for it?

• Conan-like voiceover
• An evil kingdom ruled over by a wicked king... called Cromwell! Damned royalists everywhere!
• A good kingdom ruled over by a hippy called Dick
• A pretty good demon with glowing fingers that should have been in it way more than it was
• A witch
• Pustules
• A hero called Talon. Why are they never called Dave or Susan?
• Badly glued-on beards and moustaches
• Skulking
• A fair amount of blood and gore
• A princess
• Treachery
• Humour
• Bad hair. Really, really bad hair
• Fucking Manimal himself!
• Rats
• The cheesiest most triumphal music ever!
• Boobies, both male and female
• Pretty purple sparks in the final fight scene
• Molestation by snake

And its cons? It gets a little dull in places and the fights are pretty poor, although Simon MacCorkindale seems pretty handy with a blade. What I didn't realise however is how wooden sticks could be so effective against bloody great swords :)

It doesn't have the camel punching of Conan or the sheer awesomeness of Crow from Hawk the Slayer but The Sword and the Sorcerer is a decent low budget bundle of cheese that's worth checking out.

A parting thought: Why the fuck didn't evil king Cromwell kill his architect rather than imprisoning him so he could divulge the castles secrets? He killed, or at least tried to kill, every other fucker!

Talon! Talon! Talon!

Original letterboxd review