Death Nurse 2 (1988)

Exactly the same as the first Death Nurse movie and with the same "plot", cast, flashbacks etc but with a little communism thrown in for some reason. To be honest, I didn't pay it much attention as a Twitch stream of PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds was far more interesting. At a push, I'd say that it's slightly better than the first... maybe... sort of?

Death Nurse review here

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Death Nurse (1987)

Just for Helen_S, here's a brief review.

A damning indictment of US Medicaid or a fucking awful SOV slasher film with zero plot, flashbacks that are edits from the director's previous film, loads of padding including ice cream eating and cat chasing, god-awful special effects and a cast of the oldest and ugliest people available (you'll be longing for the vapid, pretty, young things from modern films)? I'll leave that for you to decide. Never has an hour felt so long!

Death Nurse 2 review here

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Hell on Earth: The Desecration & Resurrection of The Devils (2002)

I don't think I'll ever shift the image of Lovejoy's Tinker (Dudley Sutton) warming actresses goose-pimpled tits with a hairdryer out of my head.

For those wondering, there are short clips of the 'Rape of Christ' and 'Charred Bone' scenes on the 2-disc BFI DVD but they are not shown in their entirety thanks to the restrictions imposed on the release by Warner Brothers. As far as I know, apart from bootlegs and youtube clips taken from VHS recordings of the original Channel 4 airing of 'Hell on Earth' there is currently no way to see these excised scenes.

A bloody good documentary on an excellent film but both critic Alexander Walker and Warner Brothers are Grade-A dicks.

The world without Ken Russell and Derek Jarman is a little more dull and pedestrian :(

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Doll Boy (2010)

A great little low-budget, indie horror short that's worth 30 minutes of anybody's time. Ellie thought it was ok.

[I was watching a few Tormented Imp-style Christmas films with my 15 year-old daughter, Ellie]

Previous Review

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National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

Still one of the greatest Christmas films... fuck that... one of the greatest films ever made.

An older and longer review here

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Shaft (1971)

That intro with John Shaft just casually walking across a busy street and expecting cars to just stop for him, builds his character perfectly. No exposition or flashbacks needed; just a bloke walking across a road. Shaft is indeed a bad mother-fucker and he owns his city.

Great dialogue, terrific NYC locations, full of great fleshed-out characters, THAT score by Chef and The Bar-Kays, the final rescue, Richard "I'm a handsome fucker" Roundtree.

Cool as fuck.

The "Soul in Cinema: Filming 'Shaft' on Location" extra on my DVD was pretty damned fine as well and includes Isaac Hayes and The Bar-Kays recording the score.

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Dragonslayer (1981)

A lot of sorcery but very little sword. Great fun with very good production values for the genre and period - the animatronic/stop-motion dragon was excellent. Plus corrupt nobility, Christianity subverting paganism, gore, sideboobs and bottoms, and cute little baby dragons feasting on the flesh of a princess!

A most unDisney Disney film.

"Let it stand!"

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Man Vs. (2015)

So how would a TV survivalist who has a warm hotel at the end of his sat-phone do in a real-life emergency survival situation? I love my outdoors shit, so here's a breakdown of the woodcraft/survival techniques and cockups.

• Equipment wise, as well as his clothes he has: a Tilley hat, camera, flashgun, can of energy drink, apple, Swiss Army Knife, a stick of chewing gum and of course the sat-phone.
• Shelter building. It's hard to break green spruce limbs by hand - they're really springy! The lean-to shelter is reasonable but it's a little too tall which makes the open side quite large which will let out heat and let rain and cold in. One of these shelters needs to be just big enough to lie under and no more. There also needs to be a deep, insulating bed of pine branches to lie on, which I think he regrets a little later on.
• Dealing with a large splinter. Cleaning the would.
• Fire-lighting using the concave base of a drink can. He should have already sourced his fuel before starting the fire. There is also no fire reflector so a lot of its heat is going unused.
• Shelter and fire built before night-time which is a good idea.
• Using a sat-phone to ring your friends does not exactly replicate the isolation of being stranded.
• Backed away from a wolf correctly. Did not run, did not act aggressively, did not turn his back but calmly and slowly backed away.
• Wisely didn't eat the dead, floating fish. You should avoid eating a dead animal unless you know exactly what caused its death. I did take home and butcher a road-kill deer once, but it was by the side of the road with a broken neck, no other injuries and still warm. Risky? A little.
• Animal tracking - rabbit shit can usually be found on mounds so they can scan the surroundings from the high ground.
• The figure-4 deadfall trap was well built, primed and should work. Although you only see the single trap he does mention that he'd set others. This is really important. Set as many as possible. More traps equals a greater chance of success (two out of three successful traps would be a little unusual, though).
• Gutted the rabbits away from camp. Good. I always gutted mine in the field and left the innards for the foxes. Skinning and butchering, I'd do at home. The gutting and skinning was done correctly (his knife skills were a little crude but all he had to use was a Swiss Army knife) although at one point he says you want to cut deep - no you don't, you could puncture the stomach and that's something you don't want. One thing he didn't show was that you need to squeeze the urine out as soon as you kill them. If left in it can taint the meat when you butcher it. It will still be edible but will taste a little off. If you do get piss on the rabbit try soaking it in water for a few hours - this also reduces the gamey flavour if that's not your thing.
• Uses a spit to roast the rabbit. Normally you would lose useful fat using this technique but as rabbit has very little fat I'll let him off.
• Saving and rationing food is a good idea.
• Hanging food in a high branch away from camp is good. You'll want to keep bears and wolves away from where you sleep. The rabbit that he hangs hasn't been gutted as yet. Normally you would gut as soon as possible but, in this case, it's probably a good idea to leave the rabbit whole to help keep the wildlife away, as long as you're going to eat it within a day or so.
• Although he uses a camera strap as cordage there are other sources available in the wild: hazel, willow, nettles, ivy.
• Keeping your mind active is very important. Do not become lazy.
• If you think you're going to be camped in the same place for a few days, improve your shelter!
• Do not throw your main means of communicating with the outside world onto the hard ground.
• Good, he reset his traps.
• Moving away from the place where you told people you could be found is not a great idea.
• Shelter mk2 is not bad but needs more spruce boughs on top and the side. Again, it needs insulation on the ground. I would be worried about rain run-off from the cliff-face though.
• I'm not sure how he moved his fire as he left his drinks can at the other camp. This can be done but I would have liked to see him do it.
• Not picking up his old drinks can and disassembled sat-phone was a bad move.
• Do not panic, do not run. A simple injury can be life-threatening in the wild.
• A signal fire shouldn't be lit inside a load of trees - the smoke needs to be seen and wind can blow the smoke horizontally rather than it rising vertically. There is a perfectly good shoreline which would have been better.
• When wet he quickly gets out of his clothes, squeezes out as much water as possible and redresses. That'll do if fire-lighting can't be done.
• Another panicked run.
• Drinking from an unknown and possibly stagnant water source is a bad idea unless you really have no choice.
• I told you a panicked run wasn't a good idea!
• A makeshift bandage but ruins his warm base-layer in the process.
• When climbing try to avoid grabbing roots and grass as they can easily and unexpectedly give way.
• No matter how angry you are, do not smash your radio!
• I'll let him off his panicked run this time.
• I knew that flashgun would come in handy.
• He wisely went around a rock face rather than try to climb it. It's all about minimising risk.
• He grabbed the food and knife but forgot about Duncan's rifle.

The survival stuff was, overall, very good for a change and as for the film? It's Bear Grylls vs. Predator and pretty good fun. That man-sized deadfall scene was brilliant!

I've written a similar woodcraft/survival based review for The Edge if you're interested.

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Combat Shock (1986)

A fucking grim, Agent Orange infused, grade 'A' namsploitation PTSD meltdown with a mutant baby with a belly full of cats and reverb.

Frankie Teardrop

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Unhinged (1982)

Short (1:16). Open-matte 4:3. Nice synth score. Perky shower scene. Atmospheric rain. Car crash. Mrs Penrose is American Gothic spooky. Some weird dialogue ("Next time...") that goes nowhere. Mother doesn't like to be kept waiting... wooo! A Northern version of The Glass Menagerie's Amanda Wingfield in a wheelchair. An awkward dinner. Piano and dominoes. Peeping Tom. A rogue tooth under the bed! Nocturnal orgasmic heavy-breathing. Onanistic double-perky shower scene. Why haven't we seen the third friend? Walking on your own through a wood when you're a supporting actress is a bad idea. Don't go in the shed! I told you not to walk through the woods! Back-story. What is it about the salt-cellar that's so freaky? Mother is reminding more and more of the Wicked Witch of the West as time passes. Piano but no dominoes. Peeping tom again! More rain and thunder and heavy breathing. Our heroine investigates. A gun, a knife and some toys. Tom makes his bug-eyed appearance. More back-story. Missing girls? The third friend makes her re-appearance. More heavy breathing. The third friend leaves us. Searching in a thunderstorm. Don't go in the shed! Eew, body parts and jars of eyeballs! Running and screaming. The gun. What the fuck? No, this is a knife! Raining blood.

I know it won't be everyone's cup of tea and not a great deal happens until the end but I really liked this film's feeling of Northern Gothic decay and its crazy ending.

Nope-Tober: Random Shit for an Ill-disciplined Mind

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Night School (1981)

From the director that brought us Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Casino Royale and the terrible Mae West vehicle Sextette (which featured Alice Cooper).

A well-made thriller that rides the fine line between giallo and slasher. Although there are some tasty red herrings laid down, the identity of the killer is pretty obvious after the first 15 minutes.

Loved the "Is it? Isn't it?" beef stew scene :)

As usual, Rachel Ward's performance stinks to high heaven.

One thing I didn't really get was why the killer used a Nepalese Kukri when none of the clues point in that direction?

Nope-Tober: Random Shit for an Ill-disciplined Mind

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Return of the Blind Dead (1973)

The grubby, crusty, devil worshipping zombie-mummy-vampire-skeleton-Templars on fucking HORSES are back but this time aided by a doom-saying Igor (played by a post-stroke and monobrowed Al Pacino) who wakes them from their evil slumber.

Is the sequel as scuzzy and atmospheric as the original? Generally speaking, yes. There are some great gruey effects with lashings of Humbrol red Euro-blood. It's simpler, faster-paced, more bloody and with a larger cast than the original. I even liked the sub-Carry On comedic scenes with the Commissioner and the miming maid. Unfortunately, some of the creeping atmosphere of the first film is lost amid the town location and the large cast, although that shot, near the end of the film, of the Templars standing still outside the church at dawn is fantastic. Lastly, what is it with zombie horses that cause a weird time-dilation whenever they're ridden?

As well as Igor, the cast includes, an eyebrowless (I think Igor got her share) woman whom everyone seems to have fallen head-over-heels in love with; a real bastard of a mayor; a rapist henchman; and a sexist ex-army firework technician.

You know what I'd love to see? The Blind Dead Versus The Flashing Blade!

This review was for the longer Spanish cut.

Nope-Tober: Random Shit for an Ill-disciplined Mind

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Don’t Look in the Basement (1973)

Rough and raw but somehow, in the same way that watching the swirly centre of an old Vertigo Black Sabbath record is oddly compulsive, you can't stop watching!

In some way, the film is sort of accurate in the way it weirdly tracks the shift from invasive surgery to the more modern style of "talking" therapies - no matter now ineffective (or in this case insane) they may be. In fact, just like in The Ninth Configuration, the lines are blurred between the inmates and the doctors.

Watch as a double-bill with The Cramps at Napa State Mental Hospital or the aforementioned Ninth Configuration.

Nope-Tober: Random Shit for an Ill-disciplined Mind

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Pieces of Talent (2012)

An extremely well-made, low-budget, indie, horror film that brings new meaning to the phrase "dying for your art". A horrific and literal deconstruction of the mainstream film industry. Beautifully, fucking brutal!

"Shoot some artsy shit!"

Nope-Tober: Random Shit for an Ill-disciplined Mind

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The Enfield Haunting (2015)

Mark C was right. This is so much better than The Conjuring 2. Better detail, better accents, better cinematography, better performances, better characterisation, better dialogue, better scares, better tension. Just so much better!

One thing though, Trim phones don't make that noise.

Nope-Tober: Random Shit for an Ill-disciplined Mind

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Viva (2007)

Belle de Jour crossed with Confessions of a Window Cleaner. Amazing set dressing and fake product placement.

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7th Day (2013)

The diary of a serial killer in his quest to find somebody to love.

In tone, 7th Day sits between Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer and American Psycho with touches of the blackest humour to balance its mundane brutality.

Mark S. Sanders is terrific as the killer; a man out of step with the world slowly being destroyed by psychosis, rooted in childhood trauma with skill and empathy. The killer's imaginary, mute witness/reporter is a nice touch and he looks creepy as fuck.

The gore by Aftermath FX is up there with August Underground and is practical, bloody and intense.

A low-budget indie flick that's well shot with a great central performance and a killer soundtrack. It may be a bit much for your average Dexter fan though.

Nope-Tober: Random Shit for an Ill-disciplined Mind

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Satan’s Little Helper (2004)

A budding, Satan-obsessed psychopath gets some work experience as the apprentice for a panty-sniffing, wine connoisseur of a serial killer who uses the cover of Halloween to hide his nefarious doings.

There are so many highlights:

• Amanda Plummer and her weird, brittle voice. She pulls off the not inconsiderable task of being kooky without being irritating.
• Satan using a cat as a marker pen.
• Katheryn Winnick playing the hero in a skimpy "renaissance" dress.
• The silent Satan's hand-signs.
• Katheryn Winnick's terrible but adorable fake English accent.
• Satan's shoplifting spree.
• The disemboweling of Daddy.
• A sellotaped Carmen Miranda.
• Jesus!

All this plus a subtle subtext of theological versus mundane evil and Hume's logical argument for the non-existence of god:

"Is he [God] willing to prevent evil, but not able? then he is impotent. Is he able, but not willing? then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Whence then is evil?" -- David Hume (quoting Epicurus), Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion, Part X, 63

Horror-Comedy is a notoriously tough genre to pull off but Satan's Little Helper does it beautifully. I can see this becoming a staple of Halloween viewing in years to come. Goofy, blood-splattered fun for all the family!

Nope-Tober: Random Shit for an Ill-disciplined Mind

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Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1982)

A decent horror-thriller about small-town secrets and obsession.

Susan Tyrrell steals the show as smothering serial-nutter Aunt Cheryl and manages to out-crazy Sleepaway Camp's Aunt Martha. Bo Svenson and Bill Paxton are also worth a mention, playing a couple of really nasty fuckers. Watch out for the post through a car windscreen at the beginning, it's a beauty!

Nope-Tober: Random Shit for an Ill-disciplined Mind

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Black Belly of the Tarantula (1971)

While not as deliriously twisted as your usual giallo, Black Belly of the Tarantula has a convoluted plot filled with blackmail, adultery, drugs and a killer ending.

Giancarlo Giannini is excellent as disillusioned police inspector Tellini and the film features enough police procedure to allow it to be classed as a poliziotteschi/giallo hybrid.

Nope-Tober: Random Shit for an Ill-disciplined Mind

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