Demons (1985)

Zero plot, terrible dialogue, terrific effects, impressively gory, the fastest demon apocalypse ever and the most 80s of 1980s horror films. One of the few films where 80s heavy metal doesn't seem out of place (but Go West? Really?). The scene of the demons coming up the stairs with their eyes glowing is justly iconic and thank heavens for crashed helicopters with compressed air grappling guns!

A VHS favourite of mine back in the day and still more fun than a bad, Italian Michael Dudikoff look-a-like can shake a katana at.

Letterboxd Review

Evil Dead (2013)

Not bad at all and the MC5 t-shirt is a big plus. Oh, and Ellie liked it.

Kick out the jams, motherfuckers!

[I was watching a few Tormented Imp-style Christmas films with my 15 year-old daughter, Ellie]

Letterboxd Review

Demon Resurrection (2009)

A young ex-cult member gives birth to a demon, whilst all around her zombies threaten the lives of her friends.

Demon Resurrection was shot on digital but has a real SOV feel to it. Maybe it's down to the 4:3 aspect ratio, but you could really imagine this being shot in the 80's. Where a lot of low-budget underground horror films take the easy route of cheesiness to counter any claims that the film is silly, Demon Resurrection has the balls to take itself seriously. There are no crappy jokes, no over-the-top performances, no gross-out scenes for the sake of it. Instead writer/director William Hopkins takes several elements from other films to create a decent and believable plot, builds atmosphere, and gives us a nice pay-off at the end. This is a film that wears it's influences on it's sleeve, from the one building location of Night of the Living Dead, the impregnation and subsequent birth of Rosemary's Baby, to the feel of Hammer's "Witchcraft" films The Devil Rides Out and To the Devil a Daughter. The influences don't stop there, there's also the cosmic horror of Lovecraft and even a Cthulhu-like beast makes an appearance, admittedly in book form, but it all adds depth.

Sure the film looks amateur but the director has a real feel for film making and there are some really nice shot choices. Occasionally you can tell that he was limited by lenses when he has trouble framing several subjects in an interior shot, but really, who gives a shit. The editing is nice as well, I have no idea if more than one camera was used but it really feels like there were several just like in a more expensively shot movie. The performances are well above the standard of usual low-budget films and no-one stands out as being particularly crappy. The sound can get a little muffled and fuzzy in places but otherwise it's nice and clean. The soundtrack is subtle, unobtrusive and adds to the creepy enclosed atmosphere. The video effects were minimal and well used; pretty much all the special effects were practical with CGI being limited to a green fuzz that surrounds the zombies and a couple of other scenes.

On to the blood and guts. The zombie creatures were really quite good. Sure you can tell they were wearing rubber masks and but they had a sort of endearing Rawhead Rex feel to them. I loved them! The blood was standard corn syrup and the guts were either good latex or pig innards. We've got some typical disembowelling (a windowpane evisceration was a stand-out), a broken zombie arm piercing a neck, the demon baby birthing scene (reminiscent of Alien), some boob chewing, and something you don't see in many films... someone pissing their pants. There are a couple of naked scenes but these are handled well and don't come over as softcore porn shoehorned in to sell DVDs.

Demon Resurrection has a good plot, decent effects, tension, jeopardy, and a nice twist at the end. Overall, really good fun for SOV junkies but glossy Platinum Dunes multiplex horror fans should stay clear.

You can buy it straight from the director here

Letterboxd Review

The Cemetery (2013)

The plot is simple. A group of "Ghost Hunters" head into the woods to commune with the lost spirits of priests who tortured Native Americans thinking them possessed. Bloody shenanigans ensue.

• Boobies - check
• Humour - check
• Bong - check
• Gratuitous sex scenes - check
• Dislikeable characters that need to die ASAP - check
• Dark scary woods - check
• Annoying Wiccan - check
• Insane priests - check
• Ghost stories around a camp fire - check
• Blood from an innocent accident awaking the spirits of the dead - check
• Ripping bones out of someone's leg to use as dining utensils - check

The Cemetery was a little slow to get started but was nicely shot and edited, with more than adequate performances and some really tasty practical effects.

"Why don't you go fuck a Storm Trooper!"

Original letterboxd review

Demons in My Head (2000)

I knew I was in for a treat as a grand total of three people on letterboxd have seen this and only one of them gave it a rating. The movie starts with the credits and someone called David Vallon has the role of "the wisest man in the universe". Now that's a lot for Dave to live up to, let's hope he's up to the job.

This was such an insane film that I thought I'd try and cover the entire plot in my review, so if you're thinking of watching this quite mental, c-grade, Aussie horror flick turn away now.

Meteorite falls from the sky into the back yard of a couple of "dudes" who look like they dressed in a charity shop during a powercut. Heavy repo "jocks" appear at the door and then leave for no reason. The third and female houemate appears. Dude1 loves dudette but this is not reciprocated. Dude1 gets covered in shit. The plaster of paris Meteorite is dug up and attacked with a hammer and chisel. Weird religious couple appear. Inside the meteorite is a device that looks like a headset. Exposition ensues. Dude1 flirts with religious lady. Ancient writings of the nephilm. Apparently it is thought the nephilm built the pyramids, so fuck you Egypt and your slaves. Boobage. Weird uncomfortable threesome sex scene between the dudes and a call-girl called Pamela. Dude2 tells dude 1 that he loves him. Dude1 finally put the headset on and gets fast cut visions. Sex scene of a Dudette humping a bloke's chest. So Dude1 loves Dudette, Dude2 loves Dude1, dudette loves humping men's torsos. Dude1 gets caught peeping at dudette and bloke chest humping. The headset goes on Dude1 and stay on through the night. Still no wise man. Religious couple join them for breakfast. Cheap special effects and Dude1 materialises some strawberry milk, a spiny fruit and a wooden idol. Why? Religious lady tries to convert Dude1 again. More flirting. More materialisation and a bottle of pop and a blue banana appear. And now some knackered money. Dude2 put the headset on. More visions, this time of a man with jam on his face vomiting milk. Circular saw! Yay, action. No, the vision ends with no blood shed. Extra-dimensional exposition. Lovers tiff between Dude1 and 2. Block of green metal materialises and a book vanishes. Book reappears. Dude1 makes tries to materialise a woman from a poster on his bedroom wall but instead a sexy grey lady appears - a nephilm I guess. Nephilm dribbles blood down her tits and says she wants to get it on. Dude1 refuses and sexy grey lady vanishes. Unsexy bearded old man appears and names the headset as a Nephilistic Dimensional Exelerator! Aha! Old man warns of the dangers of using the NDE and vanishes. Dude1 tries to materialise poster girl again, says "Oh no!" and fadeout. The religious nutters knock at the door and a really bad "possessed" voice tells them to "go away". They go in anyway. It's the jam faced, milk dribbling bloke! They get milk spat on them and pass out. They wake up in their underwear with Jammy man licking and nibbling them. Jammy tunes a radio into some death metal. Dude1 manages to get the NDE on his head and stops jammy man just as he was about to have fun with a powerdrill. Jammy man gets drilled and disappears. Dude1 makes dudette's boyfriend (he of the humpable chest) disappear. Dude1 now seems to have a throne of skulls and candles - what the fuck? Still no wise man. Beardy bloke is back, Wait a minute! Is he? Could he be? Is beardy man the wisest man in the universe? Oh, he's gone again. Jammy man and the torso dude are back. Jammy man tears a rubber arm off religious man and then nibbles him. Pig intestines! Dude1 looks pretty poorly by now. Religious lady tries to banish jammy man (maybe a slice of toast would work). Dude1 expels Jammy man again. Religious man tries to stuff pig intestines back into his stomach. Dude1 is now bleeding from his eyes. Dudette and torso leave the house. For no reason Dude1 now has a sexy lady dream. Dude1 is now most definitely possessed as he has purple lines drawn on his face and is looking frowny. Dude2 files his nails! Theological discussion between possessed Dude1 and religious lady. Dude1 wants her to be his whore of babylon! Dude2 snatches the NDE from Dude1's head. Screaming. Jammy man's back. Dude2 puts the NDE on his own head. Religious lady stabs jammy man with a very small nail file. A Jammy woman appears and Dude1 vanishes and reappears in a foggy field. Beardy man's back again. Yes! He actually says he's the wisest man in the universe! His advice? "Stop using the headset". Dimensional exposition. Beardy man sends Dude1 back home (he's like a beardy wizard of oz), but not before explaining that the jammy ones don't like bicarb of soda and brass. I like beardy man.Dude1 grabs a tub of bicarb and throws it on a jammy man. Oh, I think jammy woman is a long haired jammy man. Religious lady stabs jammy man/woman with the nail file... lots and lots. Bad video effect. Religious lady puts a NDE on herself! Why? Possessed religious lady. Jammy man/woman worships possessed religious lady and disappears. Dude2 comforts and strokes Dude1. Possessed religious lady talks to beardy man and makes a metal skull and lots of money appear. Poster girl appears! No, Dude2 has been turned into poster girl! Dude1 and Dude2/poster girl get it on until he/she gets all skanky and burny. The end. What the fuck?

At least it wasn't boring. I quite liked it.

Original letterboxd review

Adam Chaplin (2011)

Blood. Lots of blood. Gallons of the stuff.

Harking back to the good old days of the splatter movie (Bad Taste, Street Trash) and crossing it with Anime (Fist of the North Star), Emanuele de Sante gives us just what we want: a bare-bones story, pummelling fists, broken limbs and blood, so much blood. There's even a little art-house thrown in for good measure.

Alex Chandon (see my review of Cradle of Fear) take note: this is proper indie horror!

Original letterboxd review

Cradle of Fear (2001)

Aha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha! Step away from the camera Chandon!

Jonathan Ross said "...an exceptional piece of work". This is the man who fronted the UK's premier film review programme for eleven years. What the fuck was he thinking? Worst part? The dreadful internet snuff section that goes on and on and on and on. The best? I guess you could use the dvd as a coaster.

An appalling SoV PoS that gives indie film making a bad name.


Original letterboxd review