The Painting of Horror (1994)

An ultra-low-budget SOV short, less than 20 minutes long.

In a grotty apartment, a woman dresses in sexy undies. The same woman starts to remove sexy undies for a customer. Another woman, in a completely different location, dances on a table. The first woman takes a shower. I think I can see a theme here! A box is delivered. First woman lets her towel fall. Back to the second woman dancing on a table, this time with a fat man watching. First woman gets dressed again. There's definately a theme here! Well, that's well over half the film gone and all I've seen is a box and someone getting dressed and undressed a few times. More table dancing. Another woman enters the apartment. Now, either woman two is wearing a wig or this is woman three... I'm pretty sure this is woman two. They discuss the box, open it and pull out a painting. At last! They then move another painting to a different position, discuss which way to hang the new painting and at long last hang the fucking thing. Five minutes to go. Woman one leaves the apartment to take over the job of dancing but this time not on a table but on a very small stage. Woman two (remember, she's in the apartment) is strangely drawn towards the painting... well she stares blankly at it and gets up off the sofa. The painting bulges towards her hand in a cheap Videodrome, hand poking from the other-side sort of way. A rubber dick pops out of a gash in the painting which then grows, grabs the woman around the neck and pulls her into the painting! The painting burps. Two minutes to go. Woman one is now dancing behind a parasol while stripping. The film then just ends. I'm sure something must have been cut at the end but it was probably more dancing, dressing or undressing.

If you think that because of the multiple dressing/undressing and table dancing, that this is a sexy little short, you couldn't be more wrong. It's not. At all. Nope.

If you really want to watch it you can find it here.

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Doll Boy (2010)

A great little low-budget, indie horror short that's worth 30 minutes of anybody's time. Ellie thought it was ok.

[I was watching a few Tormented Imp-style Christmas films with my 15 year-old daughter, Ellie]

Previous Review

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Holidays (2016)

1 (Valentine's Day): Terrible, appalling, total shit. 0.5 out of 5
 
2 (St Patrick's Day): I'm guessing this was supposed to be funny and surreal? It wasn't. 1 out of 5
 
3 (Easter): A tale of how Easter's crazy mix of Christian and Pagan resurrection/rebirth myths can fuck with a kid's head, especially one whose dad has recently died. 3.5 out of 5
 
4 (Mother's Day): Watching new-age hippies cavort in the desert for no payoff was not how I wanted to spend 12 minutes of my life. 1 out of 5
 
5 (Father's Day): An interesting story about grief and the resurfacing of lost memories. The poor ending lets the whole thing down though. 2.5 out of 5
 
6 (Halloween): Dull rape-revenge stuff that has fuck all to do with Halloween. 1 out of 5
 
7 (Christmas): A bit of a turkey! 2 out of 5
 
8 (New Year's Eve): I could see the twist coming but it was fun nonetheless. I still fucking hate New Year's eve, though. 3 out of 5

Letterboxd Review

Jan Švankmajer: The Complete Short Films (1964 - 1992)

I've not watched the entire box of Jan Švankmajer shorts as yet but the ones that I have watched are terrific and I recommend them to anyone with even the slightest interest in experimental animation and film-making.

Currently, they can be had for as little as £15, which for 3 discs that cover an artist's entire short film work is pretty damn cheap. Go buy them now!

The Last Trick (1964)

Friendly rivalry turns nasty. Something I never noticed before is how the violin bow string passes through the hole in the key during Mr. Schwarzwald's First Trick.

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Johann Sebastian Bach: Fantasia G-moll (1965)

Absolutely beautiful and the organ music by J.S. Bach wasn't too shabby either.

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A Game with Stones (1965)

In his 3rd short it seems that Švankmajer really starts to understand what he can accomplish with stop-motion animation. It reminded me a little of the animations from BBC's Vision-On programme.

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Punch and Judy (1966)

The matches that Mr. Punch uses to light the candles over Joey's coffin are labelled "Rose of Peckham ". Where did a Czech filmmaker find matches from the East-End of London? Del Boy! And how do you do stop-motion with a guinea pig, unless... sniff

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The Garden (1968)

A non-animated and chillingly Kafkaesque story from Švankmajer. I'm not exactly sure what it's trying to say, but it's definitely saying something. Maybe something about collectivism (the rural setting, the garden, the vegetables and talk of food production) and the role of the community coming before the individual?

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The Ego Death - Rough Cut 4 (2016)

A short film by Ludvig Gür that, in this rough cut, lasts 11:42.

The film opens with a man (Jonas) staring intensely into the camera/mirror, which is then followed by the text "7 Days Till The World Ends". We then follow Jonas over the next several days while he is groomed by and cult and waiting for his world to end.

Superficially, it seems that The Ego Death is about how cults and religions can control a person by preying on their weaknesses - in this case Jonas' mental state after his girlfriend leaves him. Looking a little deeper and, as the title describes, it's about the ego and what happens to us if that much needed layer that controls our behaviour is removed? What if the id is all that is left - our base instincts and primitive urges? Does the cult even exist or is this Jonas' method of dealing with his mental collapse?

The B&W photography is stark and the shots are very nicely framed with a good feel for space. There is minimal dialogue, which is good as Gordon Woodward's (Jonas) delivery is a little stilted and this is highlighted by the strong performance given by Robert Prowse as Evan, the cult leader. The soundtrack provides a continual feeling of tension and reminded me a little of Pauline Oliveros' Deep Listening Band with their long, circular drones.

Overall, a well-shot and interesting film. If there is a problem it would be that it's a little "on-the-nose", a little too obvious. A simple solution would be to retitle the film - this way you're not leading the viewer from the outset.

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Batman: Dead End (2003)

A talent showcase for Sandy Collora. Fun but the edits could have been a little snappier.

Watch it here

Original letterboxd review

Star Wars: TIE Fighter (2015)

A Star Wars short animation similar in style to Battle of the Planets and Ulysses 31. Come off as bit of a music video rather than a short film with a plot but I really enjoyed it.

Watch it here

Original letterboxd review

Dr. Grapefruit (2015)

A man builds a Heath Robinson looking time-travel device out of wire, a George Foreman grill and a grapefruit. The camera dropping out of focus mirrors the man's loss of sanity, but towards the end the focus tightens and, as the man disappears, we question was he crazy or were we for doubting the possibility?

I loved the vaguely Middle-Eastern music seguing into choral into synth pop-folk. Also loved the mighty sideburns - I have a pair that are about 30 years old! There was one problem though: near the start of the film the man looks up directly into the camera, which I found jarring.

A very enjoyable film and Eli's first with a narrative. Whatever next!

Watch it here

Original letterboxd review

What’s Opera, Doc? (1957)

Just the most perfect animated film. The rather plump horse, the bastardised Wagner, the lyrics (smog!), the animation. When I was starting out in programming I wrote an Elmer Fudd filter that turned my emails into Fudd speak :) I don't think my boss approved. Beautiful and really fucking funny.

"Kill the wabbit!"

Original letterboxd review

Doll Boy (2010)

A few years back the forums were full of talk about Doll Boy and I was going to buy it on release but shipping to the UK made it way too expensive for a short film. Luckily the director, Billy Pon, has put it up on youtube preceded by a couple of trailers for his later, full length, work.

Doll Boy has some of the best set design I've seen in a low-budget indie horror film and the Doll Boy himself (weapon of choice - a big fucking sledgehammer) is an amazingly creepy character; with his frowny, child-like mask - we are well and truly in uncanny valley. The editing is nice and tight, the acting wasn't too shabby and the effects work was pretty good. The violence itself is mostly unseen but there are several "ewww!" moments. There are some really tense scenes and the films hurtles along at breakneck speed helped by a great soundtrack.

Doll Boy has a real grotty grindhouse feel too it without it being too obvious and at 31 minutes long (including two trailers) it's well worth a watch. I'd recommend tracking down a DVD copy if possible as this one's a keeper.

See if you can guess who the "final girl" will be :)

Original letterboxd review

Eye Contact (2014)

The beauty and possible danger of the night. We start to feel worried for the subject. The paranoia. The loneliness. Shifts into something more sinister... or is it? I've walked home at night behind a woman and can imagine how they must feel with a strange man behind them, seemingly dogging their foot steps. But then eye contact is made and we're back to stalking territory again. Is it infatuation? Does it matter? Then we feel a palpable sense of dread as the stalking continues. The streets are narrower, poorly lit. The pace increases and the stalking becomes a terrifying chase.

For once out of focus shaky cam works. I really enjoyed this one. Total atmospheric immersion. Well done Eli!

Original letterboxd review

Hide and Go Seek (2014)

Great camera work and some really nice framing. Eli, did you know a black dog is a portent of doom or death? Sinister undertones in such a beautiful place. Not sure about the masks. Do they symbolise some sort of afterlife? Did the girls die in the woods? Did the second die searching for the first? Again, a beautifully shot, atmospheric short that suggests themes without trying to cram a plot into such a short time span.

Original letterboxd review

Reflections (2014)

This short has a little more narrative than Eli's usual shorts. There's a really nice close tracking shot at the beginning, following the woman through the field. I thought I'd finish with how the film made me feel throughout. Happiness. Fun. Carefree. Love. Fade into. Tension. Fear. Fade into. Nostalgia. Ritual washing. Mental instability.

Original letterboxd review

Pixels (2015)

A young girls decent into drug abuse after seeking help from that font of all knowledge, the internet. As the girl finds out, the drugs on't work, they just make it worse. Great use of Google (other search engines are available) to give narrative. A short film about the dangers of relying on armchair doctors and psychiatrists via the internet rather than the real people who care about you. Parents take note, talk with your kids every now and then. Great work Eli.

Original letterboxd review

Here Even So (2014)

Great Eli. I could have watched images of your dad's work for 30 minutes and been quite happy. The way you captured the way a home can suddenly seem empty but still be filled with objects and feelings left by someone that is missing was excellent. Loved the music - right up my street.

Original letterboxd review

One Afternoon (2014)

I wouldn't have liked to be the one filming behind the stumps, or in front of them actually! The change in music was great - the game got serious! Some nice editing. I loved the juice break; reminds me of a friend that used to play Sunday league football and used to sit down to a fag and beer at half time. On the whole a sweet film makes me wish I'd been there, which I guess is what it's all about.

Original letterboxd review

Treevenge (2008)

Whether this is a clever treatise on mass-consumption and consumerism or a very silly, blood-soaked, horror short about homicidal Christmas trees, I'll let you decide. Great fun with some quite cool practical effects but not enough squirrels for my liking.

Original letterboxd review

Gucci Première (2012)

Beautiful, but it's still just a perfume ad and I really, really hate perfume.

Long story, but my nose was broken a couple of times when I was young and I ended up getting nosebleeds everyday. So I had it cauterised, and if anyone has had this done they know how wonderful it is to have, what seems like, a golfball sized blood bogey jammed up your nose for a couple of weeks and be unable to pick it. Even better, I still had the nosebleeds. Had it cauterised again but this time the nurse forgot the anaesthetic, which was fun. The nosebleeds finally stopped - yay! What was not "yay" however was that my nose was now super sensitive and dust, pollen and PERFUME would send me into fits of sniffles and sneezing. Plus to help matters my mother worked on a perfume counter and if I had to visit her the rest of the staff would spray me in the damn stuff as a joke. So we have a teenage boy smelling of White Linen in fits of sneezing in the middle of a busy department store. Very fucking funny.

So, one star for Refn because I hate Perfume so very fucking much.

Oh, and why do American's pronounce Première so weird?

Original letterboxd review

Outer Space (1999)

This short, 10 minute, film re-edits and post-processes the '81 demon rape film The Entity. The imagery is fast cut, burned out, mirrored, re-spliced and generally fucked with to within an inch of its life. That's scary enough but now we get to the really spooky bit...the soundtrack, which is absolutely terrifying! Think of the dark ambience of Lustmord and Vitriol, the industrial electronica of Front 242, and the soundtrack remixes of UNKLE, fed into a million filters that stretch, throb, shift, darken, pop, crackle, loop until you have the sound of hell itself.

A great piece of film making; go watch it now.

Original letterboxd review

C’était un rendez-vous (1976)

The following review comes from someone who doesn't particularly like cars.

Merc or Ferrari, it's still a great little film. With the low slung camera you get a real sense of speed even though the car, allegedly, never exceeds 85 mph. No plot, no acting, no dialogue, just a car racing through the Paris streets in the early hours of the morning. Vroom vroom!

Original letterboxd review