What Women Want (2000)

Did Adam Sandler turn this piece of shit down or something?

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Suicide Squad (2016)

The cons: For a film with such a paper-thin plot it sure was messy. The same could be said about the action sequences - messy. The new Joker was cheap, low-rent and more pimp than arch-villain. Surely they could have found a better character incentive than stealing the old "bomb in the neck" ploy from Escape From New York? The villain and villainess were weak, silly and underused. Far too long.

The pros: A killer soundtrack. Assorted anti-heroes spouting just the right amount of wise-assery (unlike Deadpool). Fun in the places where it didn't take itself too seriously.

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Doll Boy (2010)

A great little low-budget, indie horror short that's worth 30 minutes of anybody's time. Ellie thought it was ok.

[I was watching a few Tormented Imp-style Christmas films with my 15 year-old daughter, Ellie]

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Evil Dead (2013)

Not bad at all and the MC5 t-shirt is a big plus. Oh, and Ellie liked it.

Kick out the jams, motherfuckers!

[I was watching a few Tormented Imp-style Christmas films with my 15 year-old daughter, Ellie]

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The Others (2001)

I was in need of a Christmas ghost story and this is a damned sight better than either "Strictly Come Dancing" or "Paul O'Grady: for the Love of Dogs at Christmas". A terrific homage to Henry James and with a great, spooky 5.1 sound design!

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Cool Runnings (1993)

A fun film that fills the time.

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National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

Still one of the greatest Christmas films... fuck that... one of the greatest films ever made.

An older and longer review here

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The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1978)

More chopsocky than you can shake a Qi Mei Gun at!

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Satan’s Blood (1978)

Sex (a lot), cannibalism (not much) and black-candled, goat-worshipping flimflam (much more than normal) - just the way I like my Satanistic horror films. A few points:

• Why is the non-black dog called Blackie?
• How can they be following a car and then the same car approach them from behind?
• The ouija shit went on far too long.
• Stars an actress who looks very much like Jenny Agutter but gets her kit off even more.
• Was that magick lard they were smearing on each other?
• Who the hell was the bloke in the wooly hat?
• Why do they want to eat all the time?
• After the male satanist gets shot in the head, Jenny Agutter helpfully advises that "he needs a doctor"!
• Just how many times will they try and leave the house of the devil?
• What was with that doll?

A strange mix of bonkers and earnestness.

Note that the pretty crappy subtitles on the Screenbound blu-ray are often a little hard to read - small, white on white text is not good.

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The Shining (1980)

I don't know what's more scary: the sound design, isolation, score, time contraction, torrent of blood, twins, symmetry or Danny's machine-knit jumpers.

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Shaft (1971)

That intro with John Shaft just casually walking across a busy street and expecting cars to just stop for him, builds his character perfectly. No exposition or flashbacks needed; just a bloke walking across a road. Shaft is indeed a bad mother-fucker and he owns his city.

Great dialogue, terrific NYC locations, full of great fleshed-out characters, THAT score by Chef and The Bar-Kays, the final rescue, Richard "I'm a handsome fucker" Roundtree.

Cool as fuck.

The "Soul in Cinema: Filming 'Shaft' on Location" extra on my DVD was pretty damned fine as well and includes Isaac Hayes and The Bar-Kays recording the score.

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Dragonslayer (1981)

A lot of sorcery but very little sword. Great fun with very good production values for the genre and period - the animatronic/stop-motion dragon was excellent. Plus corrupt nobility, Christianity subverting paganism, gore, sideboobs and bottoms, and cute little baby dragons feasting on the flesh of a princess!

A most unDisney Disney film.

"Let it stand!"

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Man Vs. (2015)

So how would a TV survivalist who has a warm hotel at the end of his sat-phone do in a real-life emergency survival situation? I love my outdoors shit, so here's a breakdown of the woodcraft/survival techniques and cockups.

• Equipment wise, as well as his clothes he has: a Tilley hat, camera, flashgun, can of energy drink, apple, Swiss Army Knife, a stick of chewing gum and of course the sat-phone.
• Shelter building. It's hard to break green spruce limbs by hand - they're really springy! The lean-to shelter is reasonable but it's a little too tall which makes the open side quite large which will let out heat and let rain and cold in. One of these shelters needs to be just big enough to lie under and no more. There also needs to be a deep, insulating bed of pine branches to lie on, which I think he regrets a little later on.
• Dealing with a large splinter. Cleaning the would.
• Fire-lighting using the concave base of a drink can. He should have already sourced his fuel before starting the fire. There is also no fire reflector so a lot of its heat is going unused.
• Shelter and fire built before night-time which is a good idea.
• Using a sat-phone to ring your friends does not exactly replicate the isolation of being stranded.
• Backed away from a wolf correctly. Did not run, did not act aggressively, did not turn his back but calmly and slowly backed away.
• Wisely didn't eat the dead, floating fish. You should avoid eating a dead animal unless you know exactly what caused its death. I did take home and butcher a road-kill deer once, but it was by the side of the road with a broken neck, no other injuries and still warm. Risky? A little.
• Animal tracking - rabbit shit can usually be found on mounds so they can scan the surroundings from the high ground.
• The figure-4 deadfall trap was well built, primed and should work. Although you only see the single trap he does mention that he'd set others. This is really important. Set as many as possible. More traps equals a greater chance of success (two out of three successful traps would be a little unusual, though).
• Gutted the rabbits away from camp. Good. I always gutted mine in the field and left the innards for the foxes. Skinning and butchering, I'd do at home. The gutting and skinning was done correctly (his knife skills were a little crude but all he had to use was a Swiss Army knife) although at one point he says you want to cut deep - no you don't, you could puncture the stomach and that's something you don't want. One thing he didn't show was that you need to squeeze the urine out as soon as you kill them. If left in it can taint the meat when you butcher it. It will still be edible but will taste a little off. If you do get piss on the rabbit try soaking it in water for a few hours - this also reduces the gamey flavour if that's not your thing.
• Uses a spit to roast the rabbit. Normally you would lose useful fat using this technique but as rabbit has very little fat I'll let him off.
• Saving and rationing food is a good idea.
• Hanging food in a high branch away from camp is good. You'll want to keep bears and wolves away from where you sleep. The rabbit that he hangs hasn't been gutted as yet. Normally you would gut as soon as possible but, in this case, it's probably a good idea to leave the rabbit whole to help keep the wildlife away, as long as you're going to eat it within a day or so.
• Although he uses a camera strap as cordage there are other sources available in the wild: hazel, willow, nettles, ivy.
• Keeping your mind active is very important. Do not become lazy.
• If you think you're going to be camped in the same place for a few days, improve your shelter!
• Do not throw your main means of communicating with the outside world onto the hard ground.
• Good, he reset his traps.
• Moving away from the place where you told people you could be found is not a great idea.
• Shelter mk2 is not bad but needs more spruce boughs on top and the side. Again, it needs insulation on the ground. I would be worried about rain run-off from the cliff-face though.
• I'm not sure how he moved his fire as he left his drinks can at the other camp. This can be done but I would have liked to see him do it.
• Not picking up his old drinks can and disassembled sat-phone was a bad move.
• Do not panic, do not run. A simple injury can be life-threatening in the wild.
• A signal fire shouldn't be lit inside a load of trees - the smoke needs to be seen and wind can blow the smoke horizontally rather than it rising vertically. There is a perfectly good shoreline which would have been better.
• When wet he quickly gets out of his clothes, squeezes out as much water as possible and redresses. That'll do if fire-lighting can't be done.
• Another panicked run.
• Drinking from an unknown and possibly stagnant water source is a bad idea unless you really have no choice.
• I told you a panicked run wasn't a good idea!
• A makeshift bandage but ruins his warm base-layer in the process.
• When climbing try to avoid grabbing roots and grass as they can easily and unexpectedly give way.
• No matter how angry you are, do not smash your radio!
• I'll let him off his panicked run this time.
• I knew that flashgun would come in handy.
• He wisely went around a rock face rather than try to climb it. It's all about minimising risk.
• He grabbed the food and knife but forgot about Duncan's rifle.

The survival stuff was, overall, very good for a change and as for the film? It's Bear Grylls vs. Predator and pretty good fun. That man-sized deadfall scene was brilliant!

I've written a similar woodcraft/survival based review for The Edge if you're interested.

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Death Is Their Destiny (1978)

A short doc (made in the year I got into punk) with a fake "establishment" voiceover that focuses on the King's Road/Chelsea punks so expect a large fashion overload. I never really understood the whole bondage trousers and destroy shirt crap. Straight-leg jeans, bumper boots, t-shirt and plaid shirt did me fine.

Available for free on BFI Player.

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The Punk Kebab Documentary (1978)

An excellent and fun, short punk doc/fantasy with a really nice Jamie Reid style title sequence. Worth watching if only for seeing Shane MacGowan (The Nipple Erectors/The Nips) with a sheep on a lead outside Buckingham Palace. Live track by The Maniacs. Think Julien Temple crossed with Carry-On.

Available for free on BFI Player.

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