American Pie (1999)

A virginity losing romp in the grand tradition of Lemon Popsicle and Porkies. Unfortunately, the sequels dispense with the sweet innocence and focus on the smut.

"Say my name, bitch!"

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Terry Pratchett: Back in Black (2017)

Excellent. Loved Dennis Pennis as Pratchett. Many tears were shed.

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Iron Man 3 (2013)

Loved Ben Kingsley as Trevor the drug-addled Mandarin.

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Jodorowsky’s Dune (2013)

Jodorowsky's Dune may not have been Frank Herbert's Dune but I would have loved to have seen it and this is as close as we'll ever get. I just wonder what Denis Villeneuve's vision will be? All I can say is, that the book is great enough to cope with any adaptation (if you haven't read it, you should) and I'm very excited! After all, it's not like the book will just disappear in a puff of smoke :)

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The Shallows (2016)

Hilariously terrible! The slo-mo surfing scenes! Starving so much after a couple of hours she eats a wee crab! Why did she risk her life for a fucking GoPro! The seagull! The drunk Mexican stealing a surfboard! The Swiss Army necklace! A shark not liking jellyfish stings! How long did that fucking tourniquet stay on? What the hell is a buoy doing that close to a beach? Explosive whale oil? Did everyone see the same film as me? My quota of exclamation and question marks has run out. Just awful.

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iBoy (2017)

iBOLLOCKS

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Lucy (2014)

The Fifth Element, Part 2: Packed with pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo but a fun ride, nonetheless. I liked the homage to The Time Machine and book-ending the story with Australopithecus Lucy.

Anyway, who cares as Denis Villeneuve is set to direct the new Dune adaptation. Nothing at all to do with Lucy, but yay!

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Criminal (2016)

It passed the time. I can see they really wanted a franchise out of this and it has a decent premise to work with but the execution ultimately failed. It would have worked quite nicely as a TV show.

WARNING: Piers Twatface makes a brief appearance :(

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The Equalizer (2014)

There's one thing missing, and that's the mythology; the Equaliser appearing out of the shadows like a trench-coated angel of vengeance (a bloody Michael Landon, if you will), only to disappear again afterwards. This is played more like a by-the-numbers revenge thriller with a bit of an origin story tacked on. Not as bad as I thought it would be.

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