Friday, 30 January 2015
Heavy Metal Parking Lot (1986)
The Year, 1986. the year of false metal and poodle hairdosl. Not saying Priest were hair metal - they weren't and they're not - but everyone else seemed to be. To put things in context, I was watching Public Image Limited in '86. Sure I love metal and was a huge metalhead back in the early 80s, but then the make up and hairspray came in and I looked ridiculous with a perm. So I know the period, I know the music. Will I be offended by Heavy Metal Parking Lot? Bollocks I will!
It's starts with "You've Got Another Thing Comin'" - awesome! Give me "Breaking the Law" as well and I'll walk away happy. So we got lots of bare chests, zebra-stripe shirts, pimp hats, mirror shades, bandanas, tight dresses, shit cars, and some bad, bad hair.
What I want to know is; where's the designated driver?
The first lovely couple to speak? Man: I'm Dave and I'm 20 years old. Woman: Dawn, and I'm 13. Dave then sticks his tongue down the 13 year old's throat. On camera. Next we have drug guy. What drugs are you on? "Yeah, drugs man! Everything". Right. If he was on acid, as implied, there's no way he'd that coherent. Fuck off home to mummy. Next: to a young woman, what would you do if you saw Rob Halford right now? "I'd jump his bones". Well, there's a relationship that'll never happen.
It's easy to take the piss in hindsight, but I've had my share of crappy haircuts. I've had a mullet, mohawk, indie bowl, a Ramones. I even had hair down to the bottom of my shoulder blades. I've worn lace up black jeans, I had a Snake Plisken shirt, red and black striped trousers. I had bandanas. I never had a perm though, Never. Shut up.
This is fucking Wayne's World for real. It's not up there with Decline of Western Civilisation II but it's close and, hey, dead friends do have a use, and Rob Halford has the biggest balls in metal.
Watch it here but be prepared for a shock at around 17:46.
Original letterboxd review