Friday, 28 November 2014
I remember when John Singleton (Boyz n the Hood) was being hailed as a new talent. What the fuck happened John?
Plot-holes, dodgy sexual politics, lashings of coincidence, poor logic, and some of the worst dialogue I've heard in a very long time. Abduction is Bourne for teens. Well that's obviously what the film company probably wanted as they cherry-picked everything that they think teenagers like, stuck them all into one shitty movie and created a complete mess. Taylor Lautner has as much charisma and presence as a plank of wood, Lily Collins is treated like a piece of luggage - something the hero has to haul around for no real reason apart from putting him into occasional jeopardy, and excepting Doc Ock, the only decent actors are killed in the first 15 minutes or are removed until the cheese topped end.
Favourite scene: The "plank" and his "luggage" are on a train. The luggage goes to get some food leaving the plank in their compartment. A cookie cutter Euro assassin see the luggage taking food back to the compartment and follows. Now, what you you do? You would follow her back to the compartment and put them both out of their misery and bring this shitty film to an end. What does Mr Assassin do? He starts to follow her, then drags her into another compartment and threatens her until she coughs up where the plank is! That's how moronic this film is. The fight scene that follows is also worth checking out for hilarious badness, as the plank starts getting Obi-Wan type advice from his dead step-dad whilst kicking ass.
The end was so bad and included some of the worst dialogue in the movie, that I was actually in tears of laughter. One star for being so unintentionally funny.
Original letterboxd review