Weng's Chop: Issue 0 (2012)

I grew up with zines. I remember the old punk zines, I was a Hawkfan and had some of the Hawkwind zines, then the hardcore punk zines - back when I ran a punk distro I even had an advert in some of them. In other words I love them. For some reason though, film zines just passed me by. Sure I read Fangoria, Darkside and even Samhain, but all those handmade, handwritten horror manifestos went straight under my radar. Then I noticed some of my Amazon recommendations were books with names like Cinema Sewer and Weng's Chop and that they had volume and issue numbers! It seems that zines are alive and well in the age of the internet and, as I'd just received a Christmas bonus, I thought I'd check them out and ordered the full back catalogue of both Cinema Sewer and Weng's Chop.

The first issue of Weng's Chop is a wee zine. It's a 52 page, small format book filled with B&W print and illustrations, and comes wrapped in a full colour, perfect bound, soft cover. The zine covers exploitation, horror, adult, gonzo, trash and the weird side of film. For those worried about illegible handwritten text and cut and paste layout, do not fear. Although the print is small it's cleanly layed-out and completely readable. Sure it has the occasional spelling and grammatical error but so fucking what. It's full of the same passion and energy of the zines of yore.

The reviews are informative, funny and not snobby or elitist in the least. The authors really know their stuff and each has their own area of expertise. The frequent cast, crew and film references will give you hours of fun searching on IMDb and Amazon, although your bank balance may regret it.

Weng's Chop is from people that understand grindhouse, exploitation and underground films and get that it's not the end of the world if an acting performance doesn't hit the mark in some low budget indie gore-fest. They get that. That's not to say that it's full of fanboy gushing as they're not afraid to lay into any fuckups, but, as they say, it's all about the context.

The standouts are:

• The editorial - a lovely and funny intro.
• The 'Bohachi Bushido' review - the sheer passion really made me want to see this film.
• The House by the Cemetery (Christian version) - I had no idea this monstrosity existed!
• The article on Indian horror. If I can get past those bloody song and dance numbers I may just have to get some of these.

Totally recommended.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

A tale of emancipation and the death of religion.

A near perfect blend of practical and CGI effects, senseless violence and subtext, artiface and reality, the big spectical and the internal dialogue.

The Handmaid's Tale for the 21st century.

---

Immortan Joe,
V8 be your name.
No water come,
your law will be done,
on the road, as it is in Valhalla.
Give us this day our gasoline,
and forgive our weakness,
as we suck a new blood bag.
And let us not die soft,
but go out with our grills chromed.
Forever and ever mate.

— The Warboy's Prayer

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Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

— Ephesians 5:22-33

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Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

For Adam was first formed, then Eve.

And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

— Timothy 2:11-15

---

"Abandonment of slavery is also the banishment of the chimera of security. The world will not change overnight, and liberation will not happen unless individual women agree to be outcasts, eccentrics, perverts, and whatever the powers-that-be choose to call them."

— Germaine Greer, "The Female Eunuch"

---

"This view that women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or belief. Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths. Nor, tragically, does its influence stop at the walls of the church, mosque, synagogue or temple. This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women's equal rights across the world for centuries. At its most repugnant, the belief that women must be subjugated to the wishes of men excuses slavery, violence, forced prostitution, genital mutilation and national laws that omit rape as a crime. But it also costs many millions of girls and women control over their own bodies and lives, and continues to deny them fair access to education, health, employment and influence within their own communities.... The truth is that male religious leaders have had -- and still have -- an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter."

— Jimmy Carter, "Losing My Religion for Equality"

---

"I am one of the Vuvalini! Of the many mothers! My Initiating Mother was K.T. Concannon! I am the daughter of Mary Jabassa. My clan was Swaddle Dog!"

— (no longer) Imperator Furiosa

Letterboxed Review

Giallo Buying Guide

I've added a new Buying Guide for Giallo films on DVD and Blu-Ray. So far there are 51 films in the list and I may add some more in the future.

You'll find a link to the Buying Guides in the "Pages" section in the right-hand column and I've also included a link in this post that goes directly to the Giallo list.

I hope you find it useful and if you spot any errors or know of better releases, please let me know.

Cube (1997) & Cube 2: Hypercube (2002)

Cube (1997)

Seven people trapped inside a large Rubik's Cube discuss religion, chaos theory and nihilism, while dodging devilish traps and personal insecurities.

Cube is an existential sci-fi horror film with passable acting, clever set design and some good ideas.

The long dark night of the soul on a budget.

Cube 2: Hypercube (2002)

Ten people trapped inside a large Rubik's Cube discuss bugger all, while dodging cut-price CGI traps and the need to kill an irritating old lady.

Cube 2: Hypercube is a terrible sci-fi horror film with some truly horrendous acting, dull set design and no idea what the term quantum really means.

The long dark night of my soul on a larger budget.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

We have Christmas traditions. We buy and decorate the tree on the first weekend before Christmas day, even though most places have already sold out due to people starting their celebrations in November. We put the kids stockings on their bed during Christmas night, after 1am, even though they're aged 22 and 14. The stockings always have an orange, an apple, chocolate money and a pair of socks in them. We eat croissants, fresh coffee and orange juice for breakfast. I pick up our parents and presents are exchanged. I cook a large meal with all the trimmings for the family. We always, as a family, walk the dog after lunch. And every single year we watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

And things would go wrong.

When I was a kid we would cut our own tree and every year it was too tall for the front room. One year we bought a short tree only to cut the ties and have it explode outwards and take up half the front room. There would be arguments over the silliest things. I have sledded, whilst drunk, down a hill and across a road. Of course every year the lights would fail due to a blown bulb or fuse. Every single year something would fuck up, but it didn't matter. Not in the slightest, because Christmas is bigger than all that and that is precisely what National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is all about.

Possibly the most accurate Christmas movie ever made.

Merry Christmas everybody! Hallelujah! Holy shit, where's the Tylenol?

Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man (1976)

I watched the 88 Films Blu-Ray in Italian with English subtitles.

Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man is great title but will the film live up to it?

Directed by Ruggero Deodato (Cannibal Holocaust, House on the Edge of the Park), with a screenplay by Fernando Di Leo (Milano Calibro 9, The Boss) and starring Marc Porel (Don't Torture a Duckling, The Psychic) as Fred and Ray Lovelock (Almost Human, The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue) as Tony; a pair of plain clothes police officers who belong to "The Special Squad". They don't care about the rules and if anyone at city hall doesn't like it, they can swivel! Backing them up is their boss Adolfo Celi (Thunderball). How's that for an exploitation pedigree!

There really isn't much of a plot. There's a basic storyline in which our two heroes try to take down the local kingpin who, meanwhile, is trying to discover their identities. That's not really very important as it's all about how they get to that end point. It seems that there's a shoot-out, car/bike chase, punch-up or sex every 10 minutes.

The film starts with Lovelock (in full-on Robert Redford mode) getting a "backy" from Porel on his motorbike to some groovy sounds. They both look so clean cut. It's almost like a younger and more handsome Ratso giving Joe Buck a ride. This is a real pair of handsome fuckers! However, this no ordinary bike ride and the dynamic duo foil a nasty mugging and take off after the scumbags and into what is probably the best vehicle chase scene in Italian cinema history; impressively chaotic and destructive. No cardboard boxes or sheets of glass were harmed although a poor guide dog doesn't fair too well.

From here on in the film is a wild storm of sex and guns.

Often compared to Dirty Harry, to me Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man is more like those boy's own, buddy cop movies and shows from the 1970s: Starsky & Hutch, The Professionals, The Sweeney, and the freeze-frame ending was straight out of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I've also read about the homoerotic subtext, but I believe that the two leads are more like two little boys who just never grew up. The women in the film treat them as boys and not men. The city is their playground where they play "war" against another gang of boys (note the target practice scene in the quarry at 01:12:00). When you think about it, most of these type of films follow the same pattern of men as boys and I don't think that there's anything particularly wrong with that at all. Fred and Tony may be sociopathic boys, but boys nonetheless.

Yes, there's a fair amount of chauvinism but this is tempered quite brilliantly by the attitudes of the women. During one scene they ask their boss's secretary with which of them she'd like to sleep; she replies with an unexpectedly brilliant comeback. A little while later there's a scene where both Tony and Fred are screwing a suspect's sister, the woman is dominant throughout and exhausts the men. Finally, their libido's nearly gets them killed. Most progressive and un-Italian!

The performances are terrific with a real chemistry showing between the two leads. There's a cool and funky soundtrack that's all full of horns, Rhodes keyboard and loads of groove. The film is immaculately shot with really impressive camera-work during the action scenes and some excellent gore effects with loads of Humbrol red blood. The dialogue has a natural touch and doesn't sound at all forced. It's also nicely witty in places.

The 88 Films Blu-Ray has an excellent picture and sound. The subs are pretty good and seem to follow the dialogue with only the occasional spelling or grammatical error. The only extras are a trailer and some stills, but both English and Italian soundtracks are included.

Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man has high octane thrills, handsome fuckers with guns, bike chases and explosions. It's loud, crude, funny and energetic. One of the finest buddy/cop movies ever made.

Letterboxd Review

Don't Torture a Duckling (1972)

I watched the Shameless DVD with the original Italian soundtrack and English subtitles.

Young boys are being murdered in a beautiful Italian town and it's up the local carabinieri and a reporter to discover the rotten truth that lurks beneath its idyllic surface.

Don't Torture a Duckling stars the beautiful Florinda Balkan, previously seen in Fulci's Lizard in a Woman's Skin, the equally stunning Barbara Bouchet (The Red Queen Kills Seven Times), and Tomas Milian from Umberto Lenzi's violent poliziotteschi, Almost Human.

The film starts as it means to go on with a spooky opening scene of Bolkan's character, Maciara (an alleged local witch) digging up the skeleton of a young child in the hills outside a medieval Italian town. It's here that Fulci starts several juxtapositions running throughout the film, with the old stone buildings of the town and the new motorway overpasses that lead to it.

Fulci doesn't hang around and the suspects are introduced almost immediately; as well as Maciara there is Barra, a local peeping tom and Bouchet's character Patrizia, a rich young thing who loves to flirt with young boys.

The police are not totally ineffectual for once, although they are very quick to jump to conclusions and seem intent on solving the murders as quickly as possible no matter who gets hurt on the way. Running parallel to their investigations are the enquiries made by Martelli, a newspaper reporter played by Milian. Both methods run counter-productive to each other with the police leaping from suspect to suspect using overwhelming force, supposition and aggression, thus causing tension and breeding suspicion in the town. Whilst the quiet detective work of Martelli at first seems more effective it also has its problems; the most obvious being his rearranging of a crime scene to create a better photo for his newspaper.

The tone of the film is not unlike the rural horror films of the sixties. Duckling is shot through with the old: the crumbling town, witchcraft, the medieval trappings of Catholicism, dark churches, skeletal statues, ritual and litany intersecting with the new: the motorway overpasses, radio soap operas, the modernity of Patrizia's house and lifestyle. Juxtaposition and duality abound: rich/poor, old/new, tradition/modernity, outward appearances/inward morality, Christianity/Paganism, logic/superstition, innocence/sexuality, tolerance/persecution, light Patrizia/dark Maciara.

Very nicely shot and filled with close-ups and medium shots which, as well as giving the film an air of claustrophobia also does a great job of internalising the collective grief of the town. Some of the fast edits are excellent, with the same character moving from one location and time to another without any jarring at all.

There are several shocking moments, unusually involving the discovery of dead children and there are some very good, infrequent gore scenes of the type that Fulci is justly famous for. The scene where Maciara is attacked is extremely well done and very similar to the violent chain whipping from his later film, The Beyond. Also, the duck motif (obviously in the name but also as a child's toy in the third act) pops up again in Fulci's later exploitation classic The New York Ripper. Overall, for once Fulci is extremely restrained and forgoes his usual exploitative touches.

The film features an atmospheric soundtrack by the prolific Riz Ortolani (Seven Blood-Stained Orchids, Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye, Cannibal Holocaust) although I wasn't too sure about the rock and pop tracks used during the persecution of Balkan's character. It does fit with the theme of duality but it is more than a little jarring.

The children are great and full of devil-may-care attitude, daring do, cigarettes, catapults, grazed knees and add a real air of realism to the film. Balkan is all wild hair and wide staring eyes - she really does look like she stepped out of Witchfinder General. Milian is very good as the dogged reporter but is a little underused in the first two acts. Really though the film belongs to the women and children.

The picture is okay but a little blurry or dark in places but really deserves a proper Blu-Ray release. Watch it as a double bill with The House with Laughing Windows or Who Saw Her Die.

Don't Torture a Duckling deserves its reputation as a gialli classic.

Letterboxd Review

Return of the Living Dead (1985)

A rewatch with the kids.

Burt, Ernie and the rabid weasels bring on the zombie love yet again!

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Original review

Who Saw Her Die? (1972)

This is the Shameless DVD that I'm watching. Apparently this release is very slightly longer than the Blue Underground DVD. Both are have a dubbed English soundtrack.

I'm a big fan of the social commentary lurking behind Aldo Lado's 1975 rape revenge flick, Night Train Murders (L'ultimo treno della notte) and his 1971 gialli Short Night of Glass Dolls (La corta notte delle bambole di vetro), and I'm hoping that Who Saw Her Die? will similarly deliver the goods.

Made a year before Nicolas Roeg's Don't Look Now, Lado's Who Saw Her Die? shares similar themes of grief and guilt. Even the famous sex scene is here, admittedly in an abbreviated form but it still shows the outpouring of grief through sex.

In France, a young girl is viciously murdered whilst sledding by a mysterious black clothed killer. We are immediately asked the question "Who Saw Her Die?" in thick red lettering seen through the killer's black veil. It is simultaneously an open invitation for the viewer to solve the crime and also an indictment of our passivity as bystanders. Is it our fault that she died? Easily the best and most intriguing title sequence I've seen in a gialli.

The action then shifts to Venice and sculptor Franco (played by George Lazenby, who only two films earlier was on top of the world playing James Bond) and his young daughter Roberta. The wife/mother is absent and we learn that the couple have drifted apart. Instead of rushing headlong into the killings, Lado takes his time and introduces us to the film's characters. We lean about them, their backgrounds, motivations, relationships. We start to care about them.

From this point on the suspects and red herrings are laid on thick and fast. Is the killer the man who was scarred in a fencing accident, the friend who takes a little too much interest in the young Roberta? The decadent art dealer? Someone else entirely? The tension is then really cranked up with multiple failed attempts to kill Roberta until finally the inevitable happens. The killer strikes again.

From here on we follow Franco on a frantic hunt through labyrinthine alleys as Venice shifts from being beautiful and filled with laughter to a dark place that is twisted, confusing and frustrating. Meanwhile the killer shifts their attention from children to anyone who may have seen Roberta die.

The last 20 minutes of the film will have you on the edge of your seat as suspect after suspect is dealt with, until the final shocking reveal.

There is great cinematography from Franco Di Giacomo (Il Postino) and Ennio Morricone's soundtrack of children singing is evocative and fits both the film and its themes well. Lazenby is terrific as the grieving father and his performance far surpasses that of his 007. Nicoletta Elmi, who plays his daughter, is a little star who obviously had great chemistry with Lazenby and later appeared in both Dario Argento's Deep Red and Lamberto Bava's Demons.

As for the social commentary: it does seem that Lado, yet again, has it in for the bourgeoisie. It may not be as overt as in Night Train Murders but it's there nonetheless. The victims are daughters of upper middle class families (the first has a nanny, the second's father is a sculptor). Venice itself being an affluent and bohemian location. Conversations about art, money, travel are heard throughout the film. Even something as simple as the white clothes that the father and his friends wear display social position - no poor person could afford to wear something that could get dirty so easily. Also many of the main characters are portrayed as morally bankrupt and corrupt; of course there's one thing more corrupt to a socialist than the bourgeoisie but I don't want to give the game away. Finally there's also a strong hint of the type of conspiracy found in Lado's Short Night of Glass Dolls.

Who Saw Her Die is, like Short Night of Glass Dolls, not too bloody but what blood there is is of that bright red Italian stuff that looks like Humbrol enamel paint, and either you love it or hate it. I love it.

The quality of the Shameless DVD was very good with a sharp and colourful print (apart from what seems to be the occasional splicing fuckup), and a soundtrack that doesn't overpower the clear dialogue. In fact the dialogue is far better than the usual badly translated dubbing we get with Italian films.

I may be biased due to my Lado love but I really enjoyed this film and think it has a lot to offer. A top notch gialli!

Letterboxd Review

Dark Power (1985)

The film starts with a young boy, aged about ten, walking through the woods with his toy bow and sucker-tipped arrows being chased by a pack of dogs. What! A boy aged ten in the 1980s should have made his own bow and nail tipped arrows and also had a belt full of pipe bombs! To be honest the dogs look more cuddly than vicious and I'd have been more afraid of being licked to death than mauled. Anyway, the snivelling and ill equipped boy is saved from his canine fate by an old beardy boy scout with a bull whip... Ladies and gentlemen I give you Lash Larue. Get used to the whip because he sure likes to use it! It was like party time at Madam Cyn's house during Parliament recess!

So the story is that an old man who kept some Toltec evil buried under his house dies and it's up to Lash Larue to put that genie back in the proverbial bottle. Unfortunately the house is soon let to four nubile young women and a creepy, racist brother. After that we just have to wait for the rather ridiculous killing to start.

The first half of the film almost like a show-reel for Lash Larue and that damned whip of his. Enough with the fucking whip! Plus his wise old man shtick gets a little tiring after a while.

There's a fair amount of "everyday racism" and a few n-bombs and I was hoping that the perpetrators were to be quickly dispatched as punishment. No, it took far too long. In fact it took way too long for any of them to die. Every one of these little bastards seemed to have stepped straight out of a shitty Porkies rip-off. At one point one of them flosses her teeth! Why do that on camera? Why not have a shit as well? Please stop it!

The four Toltec zombies are terrible with some of the worst masks and outfits I've seen in a horror film. Their bows seem to have strings made from underwear elastic, most of the killing scenes are pretty disappointing, and the comedic zombie routines were utterly misplaced. And that fucking xylophone that played when ever they were on screen drove me nuts! Plus that house must have the best sound insulation ever to stop the girls inside from hearing the zombie shenanigans going on outside.

Then, at long last Lash Larue and that fucking whip turns up to save the day. What do we get? Fucking "cavalry charge" music! That's right, a bearded white man turns up to save the poor women from the Native Americans with a trumpeted charge and a whip! Oh dear. A little while later, during a very, very, very dull bull-whip duel, he even calls one of the zombies "boy". As far as saving the day goes I don't think you could get any more racist unless there were a few burning crosses on the lawn.

Dark Power's biggest problem though is that its nearly 50 minutes until you see any blood! Simply inexcusable!

Unfortunately the picture on my Dead of Night DVD was bright and clear with reasonably clean audio, although the soundtrack does tend to drown out the dialogue a little.

Rubbish. Do yourself a favour and pass this one by. Anyone want to buy a DVD?

Letterboxd Review

Freak (1999)

From the deepest darkest recesses of my DVD collection comes Freak, a film, apparently so obscure that only two people on Letterboxd have watched it.

Reading the synopsis on the back of the case:

"It was twenty-five years ago that the horror began; a hideously deformed, physically deformed and brutalised 9-year-old boy murders his tyrannical and abusing mother. Now the horror is about to start all over again..."

This all sound very familiar! Come on, how bad can it be?

The film starts, as in the description, with a young boy being treated like shit by his mother. The mother is suitably nasty and after giving birth to another child tosses it in a brazier to burn. This seems to be what tips her son over the edge and he brutally kills her by bashing in her head with a large rock. Off to the loony bin with you young man! Nine years later (not the 25 reported on the DVD case) he escapes whilst in transport and heads home and straight into the path of a young woman and her kid sister.

Freak is a pretty atmospheric film, with subtle Dutch angles, low shots of the boy's spooky house, shadows and a good soundtrack. Much like Halloween (an obvious influence), Freak is definitely all about atmosphere and tension, although the aforementioned mother killing scene is nicely gruesome.

There are a few silly plot-holes - like why would someone have a shotgun and shells rolling around in the back of an open pickup, and why didn't the killer take it with him? Also, just like in Halloween, the killer mysteriously knows how to drive a truck even though he's been locked up for the past nine years! There is also some unnecessary exposition from a psychiatrist's tape recording. The previous scenes covered most of it quite well enough and I felt it wasn't really needed.

At one point there's a very, very brief shot (less than a second) inserted into a scene of the protagonist being chained up in a van. I assumed this was an editing fuck-up but after watching in slo-mo I discovered that the insert was of the child being chained by his mother. A nice touch, just a shame they didn't make it a little more obvious by increasing the length of the edit by a second or two. These brief flashbacks are a frequent occurrence throughout the film (luckily they are a little longer) and work very well in tying the killer's mental state to the abuse he suffered as a child.

The performances range from quite good to adequate and Amy Paliganoff plays a great Laurie Strode like, proactive, female lead, but the real star is Spider the ferret! I have a real soft spot for ferrets and their floppy ways. The killer is played by the film's director, Tyler Tharpe.

Freak is a nicely atmospheric and effective low budget slasher heavily influenced by Halloween and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre while still retaining its own distinct feel. It's only 75 minutes long and occasionally it does drag a little in places. It could have done with a little more plot substance and a little more tension during the long driving sequences. Some parts are a little out of focus and fuzzy, some are over-saturated and some are very dark. I guess most of these we caused by a limited lens and film choice (I got the feeling that it was shot on various film stocks). The sound is pretty muffled in places and has some occasional unwanted background noise due, I guess, to badly placed mikes.

Not bad at all and it's available on Amazon for £0.01!

Letterboxd Review

Black Belt Jones 2 (1978)

A giant diamond has been stolen and it's up to ex-CIA agent Lucas to get it back. Fists, legs and boobs abound!

Black Belt Jones 2 stars Jim "Enter the Dragon" Kelly and Tao-Liang "Flash Legs" Tan and is directed by Tso Nam Lee who also gave us the Brucesploitation classics Exit the Dragon, Enter the Tiger and Fist of Fury 2. This cheap flick combines a little Blaxploitation, martial arts and a basic crime thriller plot in one cheesy package. Note, however, that it has nothing at all to do with the original, Robert Clouse directed, Black Belt Jones.

My DVD came from Moonstone and seems to be transferred from a dirty film source in a pillar-boxed 4:3 ratio. The dialogue is pretty badly dubbed and it also has those wonderful "THWACK" sounding contact noises. Just the way I like 'em!

The film and the action starts immediately... I mean straight away, like the film had already been running for 10 minutes and I'd somehow missed it. No trailers, no menu, just...

Gang leader: "What do you want?"
Tin-hao: "Is that one-eyed bastard here?"
Gang leader: Who the hell are you? You dare call our boss that?
Tin-hao: You bums obviously don't know me!
Gang leader: Oh I know you! You're one of Lu's men, the one they say can kick like a mule.
Tin-hao: Well, if you know who I am, then that's the best that can come out!
Gang leader: Watch out, you're on our turf now.
Tin-hao: I couldn't give a shit who this area belongs to. Where I am always belongs to me.
Gang leader: Well then, maybe I want to find out if that's the truth? Hippy!

To be honest I wasn't sure about the "Hippy" as that part of the dialogue was a little garbled but I like the idea of someone calling a Saturday Night Fever dressed Tao-Liang Tan Hippy.

Jim Kelly's acting ability hasn't improved since Enter the Dragon and in fact it seems to have somehow gotten worse (this could possibly be due to having to dub his own voice). Then again, who gives a fuck? He's tall, black, cool and cocky as fuck, even though he does look like a tennis pro on occasion. His karate based fighting is pretty good and in the later scenes really quite impressive, but it plays second-fiddle to Tao-Liang Tan's explosive legs and ultimately it's the Asian actors who shine in this film.

Korean born Tao-Liang Tan is great as Tin-hao, your typical gangster with a sense of honour. His fighting is excellent with some terrific leg work. Interesting fact: Tan taught Bruce Lee's daughter, Shannon.

Chan Sing plays Lu the gang boss and has an impressive presence and a great moustache. I'd say he's the best actor of the lot.

Hong-Kong favourite Bolo Yeung even pops in for a few scraps and an argument with a ship's chef over some pet rabbits. The highlight however is when Yeung taunts Tin-hao with some atrocious singing!

The plot of Black Belt Jones 2 is simple enough with a few plot twists to keep thing interesting - just enough to hang 90 minutes of kung fu action onto.

The soundtrack is flute led funk with lot's of groovy percussion. There's also a couple of Suzi Quatro tracks in a strip-club scene!

The final fight scenes are really very good, with some great choreography; they're athletic, fluid, well filmed and they use the environment and props well, with Tao-Liang Tan versus Chan Sing being the stand out of the whole film, although Kelly's big fight proves he was no slouch either. Sure there's the usual problem of punches and kicks not connecting enough but overall I was really impressed!

Black Belt Jones 2 is nicely paced, has competent camera-work and editing, some ropey dialogue, strippers, boobs, a few hairy bushes, great action scenes, tattoos that appear and disappear at random, an hilarious chess analogy, a Crank 2 style drug fuelled striptease, and a bizarre rape scene with Formula One stills inserted into it.

Don't expect a restored Asian classic with 5.1 sound and lots of  extras (scene selection is all you get with the Moonstone release). This is a pretty good action film with little slack that'll keep you entertained for its 90 minute runtime. Far better than I thought it would be.

Recommended!

"Your Chinese legs aren't bad"
"Why, thank you. How does defeat taste?"

Letterboxd Review

127 Hours (2010)

I've had this Blu-Ray since it came out and still hadn't watched it, even though it features climbing and I'm a bit of a climber. Time to put that right.

An ill equipped man trapped by his own stupidity, looses his arm in a beautifully shot canyon.

James Franco plays Aron Ralston, a Sisyphus like "Xtreme" sports man-child driven by his own arrogance to spend a week pushing at a boulder. Therein lies the problem for me; I really dislike that particular portrayal of climbing and the outdoors life. Self-absorbed, baggy clothes wearing, techno-listening, photo-opportunists taking stupid risks just to grab a sponsorship deal and look cool.

I got that the film was using his near death experience show Ralston what a shallow and lonely person he had been and that he needed to change to survive. This could very well be the reason that he stupidly told no one of his trek - he had no one to tell, and for this I feel truly sorry for the man. I sincerely hoped that he took this experience and became a more humble and grounded person... but no, the first thing he does when free is to take a fucking selfie! Then onward to the speaking tours, publishing deals and, of course, this film. In fact the most telling sequence in the film is of Ralston pretending/hallucinating being on a talk-show as the special guest.

Enough of my moaning, how was the film itself? I found the photography, while beautiful, was a little too kinetic and hyperactive for me. Split-screen, dropped frames, sped-up film. This is everything I want to leave behind when climbing (although really, this is more scrambling than climbing). Give me focus and peace any day.

James Franco's performance is great, flawless really. It's just that I don't like the person he's playing.

The plot? Like all films that rely on an impressive set-piece at the end, it must have enough substance during the journey to keep you interested. Personally, I don't think 127 Hours had that - a few flashbacks doesn't make a story. I was either bored or irritated for the majority of the film.

One shot that really did annoy me for it's cheapness was of Ralston preparing for his trek and searching on a high shelf for his Swiss Army knife. His hand flaps to either side trying to find the elusive knife before he gives up and decides to go without it.

As for the soundtrack. Playing Lovely Day over Ralston struggling against his bolder does not make you clever. It's the sort of simplistic cinematic shorthand that I hate.

What should have been an interesting film about the dichotomy between temporary pain and long term survival ended up with me wanting him to cut his throat and not his arm.

So, what did we learn? If you're going trekking, climbing, skiing, diving, hunting or whatever; tell someone where you are going and when you'll be back and just remember kids: perfect planning prevents piss poor performance.

Style over substance and my least favourite Danny Boyle film.

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The Guts and the Glory: The Motörhead Story (2005)

Phil Taylor, the original Animal, is dead!

Years ago my kids had two guinea pigs: Fast Eddie and Lemmy. I always felt bad that I never let them get Philthy Phil and complete the line-up of the greatest guinea pig rock 'n' roll band of all time!

I missed seeing Motörhead in 1983 through lack of funds but finally saw them in '91 with Phil "Philthy Animal" Taylor on drums in the Guildhall in Portsmouth (with Wolfsbane if I remember correctly).

This short (65 minutes) documentary is totally worth it just to hear the bickering between Phil and Lemmy. It's really just a load of anecdotes strung together, but what fucking anecdotes they are! Informative and really fucking funny. To be honest though the documentary, just like life, gets a little dull when Phil leaves. Luckily he's back soon enough and everything's right again.

5 stars just for Phil, an awesomely fast, powerful and influential drummer who will be sorely missed. Bye, bye Phil, you little rat bastard.

"This is no reason to cover a man with cheese!"

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The Perfume of the Lady in Black (1974)

I watched the Raro Video DVD in Italian with English subs, and oh joy, the DVD is one of those "I'm going to vibrate your DVD player until you go fucking crazy" discs!

So, are we ready to head down the rabbit hole? There may be a few small spoilers on the way.

Influenced by the first two films in Polanski's Apartment Trilogy (Repulsion [1966], Rosemary's Baby [1968]), the occult films of the late 1960s (Night of the Eagle sprigs to mind), a touch of Gaslight [1940/1944] and the psychology hidden behind Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, The Perfume of the Lady in Black is a gialli that plays with the standard elements of the genre to give us a hallucinatory psychodrama instead of a slasher flick. Yes it has certain well-known giallo motifs: light/shadow, architecture, mental collapse, hallucinations, the macabre, sex/violence, mirrors and glass, spiral staircases, and of course J&B Whiskey; but don't go expecting a black gloved killer and an ending that wraps everything up in a nice neat package.

Mimsy Farmer plays Silvia, a chemist who begins to see visions of her dead mother and flashbacks to her life as a child, her mother's suicide, abandonment by her father and abuse by her mother's lover. Slowly her world starts to crumble but is it her memories or a bizarre conspiracy that causes her breakdown.

Yes, The Perfume of the Lady in Black does borrows liberally from Rosemary's Baby but this is very much it's own film and to suggest otherwise does it a great disservice. The theme of witchcraft and the paranormal is introduced subtly and from various sources: the wind rustling through the trees whilst Silvia looks at her mother's grave, the black cat, small incidental conversations witchcraft, the clairvoyant, a thunderstorm. We get the idea that something supernatural is involved but it's never actually stated as such. The same goes for the conspiracy; friends and family act a little oddly, strangers glance knowingly, coincidences abound, but nothing is too obvious. In fact we start to feel as paranoid as Silvia.

Throughout the film we have the idea of dreams as reality. A cat seen in a vision later appears in real life, likewise with a vase and this is where my earlier reference to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland comes in. At one point in the film Sylvia, in effect, grows smaller as she conjures a vision of herself as a child who then accompanies her throughout the last third of the film. Even the Mad Hatter's tea party makes a horrific appearance. Just like Alice, Sylvia builds her own world from the crumbling bricks of her psyche and in this world everything is a little skewed and off centre.

Childhood is another major theme throughout and Farmer portrays Sylvia as innocent and childlike, from her waif-like appearance (Rosemary's Baby again) to the toys (small doll, model theatre, Mickey Mouse clock, the Alice in Wonderland book) she still keeps from her childhood. During a game of tennis, she pricks her hand on a nail (a fairytale needle or thorn if ever there was one) and her boyfriend's business partner "kisses it better". There is even the proverbial "monster under the bed" in the shape of her mother's lover. This all leads slowly towards the inevitable corruption of childhood and her final break from reality. We know her mental collapse is complete when, in a taxidermist's, she writes her childhood address down in a hesitant child's handwriting. Unfortunately all this leads to the greatest crime and the destroyer of innocence - paedophilia. Firstly implied in a vision and then later it becomes reality when, as an adult, she is raped by the same man from her vision; her dress, mental state and the way she cowers makes her a child again.

Oddly, at the end of the film she sprays herself with perfume and dresses like her mother. She replaces her mother and is the parent to her hallucination of the child Sylvia. She becomes her own mother.

Anyway, I'll leave it there before I give too much away.

The creepiness of the supporting characters is perfectly handled. They're not spooky in that John Carradine "You're all doomed" way, it's more subtle with little gestures, glances and demeanour that makes you shiver.

Beautifully shot by cinematographer Mario Masini with bright, hyper-real colours (I've no idea what they shot on but it's got that lovely Eastman or Technicolor feel). I wouldn't be surprised if Argento watched this film before making Suspiria as it's a real kaleidoscope of colours.

The score is suitably menacing with discordant violins and some well judged silences. There is some nice use of diegetic sound during a scene in a shop.

There is no black gloved killer in The Perfume of the Lady in Black, but it is definitely gialli of the highest order and I loved every minute of it.

"Life, what is it but a dream?"

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