The Fog (1980)

I could listen to Stevie Wayne play those smooth sounds all night long.

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Simon, King of the Witches (1971)

A Promethean tale of man challenging the gods and the establishment through magic, magick or however you prefer to "spell" (boom-tish!) it. Earnest in its approach of the subject matter, although that doesn't mean it's not fucking hilarious in places (the Wiccan ceremony for one), and the only film I know of with a magical erection that won't go away. Remember though, that there's always a price to pay and in this case, it's the terrible clothes. Super groovy man!

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Dagon (2001)

Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna are justly famous for their humour but I feel that it's utterly misplaced in this otherwise decent but loose adaptation of Lovecraft's The Shadow Over Innsmouth. The film builds a dank and ruinous sense of dread in a great setting and then throws it away for a few cheap gags. Also, why did they chant to Cthulhu ("Rejoice! Rejoice! Cthulhu waits!") at the end instead of Dagon ?

Uxía? yum!

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Housebound (2014)

Well, that was unexpectedly good! I'll never look at a cheese grater in the same way again.

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The Lost Honour of Christopher Jefferies (2014)

Eccentric man charged with young woman's death. A damning indictment of the police, the media and, more to the point, us. It was nice to see the Sun, Mail and Express (he "Loved culture, poetry") featured prominently and, considering what's happening today, it's worthwhile remembering that not everything the newspapers, both tabloid and broadsheet, print is true and that they do have their own agendas and vested interests. Read the sources, make up your own mind and vote with your heart led by your head. Just don't take the fuckers at face value! This may be a little late, but you never know.

I really didn't mean to write a review but today's pretty important.

I know it's a little old, but John Cooper Clarke's poem "You Never See a Nipple in the Daily Express" still rings true. Take it away Johnny Clarke!

A fragile book that has been broken at the spine.

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Finders Keepers (2014)

Finders keepers, viewer weeper.

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Red Hill (2010)

A very good Aussie-neo-western staring Home & Away star done good, Ryan Kwanten as deputy Shane Cooper.

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Poltergeist (2015)

There's a unipig, the little girl's sweet, Sam Rockwell's in it, the little boy is an irritating little shit that's afraid of fucking squirrels (and he's called Griffin, for fuck's sake. Griffin? Sorry to all you Griffin's out there but...Griffin?) but, hey, it's better than the sequels to the original film. I miss Tangina. Terrible playout music. Just keep telling yourself, it's not as bad as the sequels, it's not as bad as the sequels, it's not as bad...

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Poltergeist III (1988)

Andrew: do not watch the first 40 minutes of this film again!

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Tank Girl (1995)

I used to read Tank Girl back when she was in Deadline back in the 80s/90s and I LOVE this film, faults an' all!

Minus half a star because no Sub Girl

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Jackrabbit (2015)

Pretty interesting but slightly impenetrable dystopian cyberpunk on a budget.

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Horns (2013)

The way Radcliffe slams the needle down on Heroes made me wince. Pretty fucking biblical!

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Stewart Lee: 41st Best Stand-Up Ever! (2008)

I have this on DVD and still watched it on netflix. Why? Because it's fucking brilliant and I'm in the kitchen, that's why! Apart from the twat too near the mike during the giraffe joke at the end.

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The Hunter (2011)

Not as good as seeing Fatso falling off the kitchen counter (old-time Aussie soap fans may get that reference) but I'll take any film that contains wombats! Dafoe moves way too quickly and lacks patience (it's like they wanted to portray hunting accurately but were afraid to commit to the stillness needed) and you never leave a wood-burner door open when you sleep at night - shut the door to stop embers hitting rugs and causing a fire. It also reduces the amount of air feeding the flames which prolong the burn time, hopefully until morning. The last 30 minutes were silly, but... wombats!

Shit, that was almost a review. Stop it Andrew, stop it!

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Toy Soldiers (1991)

alt.wesley.crusher.die.die.die

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Vampires (1979)

My life in 1979, except I had free school meal tickets.

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Lemora: A Child’s Tale of the Supernatural (1973)

Bonkers!

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The Antichrist (1974)

A cross between The Exorcist and The Devils with a bit of Rosemary's Baby thrown in for good measure and a beautiful, violin-led Morrecone score.

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Zombi 3 (1988)

Silly, great, funny, ridiculous, illogical, wooden, hilarious, amazing, cheap, gruey, fast, inept, terrific, stupid, bloody, foggy, slow, slimy, putrescent, trashy, wonderful, insert adjective here.

"I'm feeling better Patricia, but I'm thirsty... for your blood!"

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The Exorcist III (1990)

George C. Scott. That is all.

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Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

An unholy mess of a film. Forget the original when you watch it and think of The Heretic as a great exploitation film and you can't go wrong. It's sad that I waited 30 years before watching this nutty film again.

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The Exorcist (1973)

Director's Cut AKA The Version You've Never Seen.

The eleventy-stupid time I've seen this film since about 1979 and it's still amazing.

Not a review but a couple of questions:

I'd like to think what others think of Ellen Burstyn's character, Chris MacNeil? Whiny, rich, entitled (two houses, three servants - and they are servants and not staff, an invitation to the White House that she casually dismisses and a daughter that wants a pony) and irritating as fuck but I think Burstyn nails it. Is her character a counterpoint for god? Is Blatty/Friedkin saying that our worship of false idols/films stars/celebrities has taken us further away from god?

It's funny how, as an atheist, and after watching some of the most gross and horrific films ever made that The Exorcist still scares me more than any other film. Is it because I'm subconsciously worried that my position could be wrong or that the dismissal of science for anything we cannot understand terrifies me?

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51 (2011)

Cheap, derivative, cliche-ridden, logically-flawed but good fun with loads of gruey practical effects.

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